


Smells Like Teen Spirit (It’s Just That It’s Delicate) – Two Facts and a Maybe.

by do_not_confess



Category: Friday Night Lights
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-05
Packaged: 2017-12-17 19:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/871043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/do_not_confess/pseuds/do_not_confess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She digs her hands into the muscles in his back all taut and never, never has she loved him more than in that moment and never, never could she have done this with someone else.</p><p>Matt's and Julie's respective first times. Two factual and a maybe one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smells Like Teen Spirit (It’s Just That It’s Delicate) – Two Facts and a Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> This is an older fic I originally posted on livejournal. It is now slightly AU as it was written before the completion of the series. Various lyrics by Nirvana and Damien Rice. Don't own them.

i. 

_With the lights out it’s less dangerous_  
_Here we are now_  
_Entertain us_

Fact: Matt Saracen loses his virginity to Carlotta Alonso. 

It’s different than he’d thought it would be – he didn’t think it would happen like this, with a girl older than him and his Grandma just next door. When thinking about it before – in this vague fantasy kinda way, lying in his bed, staring at the wet patch on the ceiling – it’d been all romantic and naïve and stupid make believe. Like how it’d be at some really nice place, low lit preferably. Huge bed with sheets to get lost in. _Lay, Lady, Lay_ in his head. And how it’d be all special because both of them, him and her, would have waited so long to be sure, really sure. 

He’s not a saint or a monk or something weird - like, he’s got a porn stash hidden under his bed and all and he thinks about sex just like regular guys do. A lot. And Matt realizes that when it comes to that first time his fantasies are kinda like a girl’s. But the worst part really is they all seem to come from a time when he would have bet all his money (not an awful lot) that this one certain moment in his life would’ve been shared with Julie Taylor.

But Julie broke up with him weeks ago and she’s all over this teacher now and Matt couldn’t care less. Carlotta and Grandma are the only people that are _just there_ , daily constants in his life, haven’t let him down or walked away.

So he loses his virginity, no big deal, to a girl 5 years older than him. And in that respect, sex is just like the rest of his life – things are never how you imagine them. So he does some growing up a little too soon and a little too fast but he’s used to that too. Carlotta seems to know everything about it and maybe that helps the process along, like where his hands are supposed to go or the fact that at least one of them is relaxed. She also teaches him what to do if you wanna show a girl a real nice time but there’s still a small, stupid part of him that wishes he could have done this with someone like Julie, eye to eye. 

The sex in itself is amazing, of course. And not in the even-if-it’s-bad-it’s-still-good kinda way but just really, really good. The first time he doesn’t last much longer than a few minutes - but still, this feeling - Matt gets the gist of it. Enough to realize that sex is a little like throwing a perfect pass - right in that moment where the pigskin leaves your fingers you know exactly, _exactly_ that that ball is gonna find it’s way into the open hands of a running back. Just this feeling that for a moment, nothing can go wrong, like that’s just the way the universe works. No one could ever be sad doing this. That kinda feeling. 

He’s not sorry that he’s slept with Carlotta. He guesses it could’ve happened with someone else, in another time and place – but when you think about it, it’s just one body part going into another, right?

 

ii.

_And I forget_  
_Just what it takes_  
_And yet I guess it makes me smile_  
_I found it hard_  
_It’s hard to find_  
_Oh well, whatever, nevermind_

Fact: Julie Taylor loses her virginity to Aaron Fleissner on prom night. 

They’ve been going out for a while and he’s a nice enough guy and she’s 18 years old and not that it was like, required but - this had to happen some time, right? 

It’s not all bad, nothing this short could be traumatic - but she can’t help but wonder if that is all there is to it. If sex is really just some uncoordinated fumbling and then two minutes of him pulling faces while he’s inside of her. Aaron’s cute about it though, asks her if she’s alright, if he should stop. She is and it doesn’t really hurt - but he doesn’t make her stomach lurch when he kisses her, not the way Matt did. 

She hates that her mom was kinda right about this. 

Julie just hopes that with someone else, in another time and place, it will be more than just one body part going into another. 

(iii.) 

_We might live like never before_  
_When there's nothing to give_  
_Well how can we ask for more_  
_We might make love in some sacred place_  
_The look on your face is delicate_

Maybe: In another time and place, Matt Saracen could have lost his virginity to Julie Taylor. Sometimes, they both wonder how that would have been, if it would have been them. 

(This is how it might have been.) 

It’s everything and nothing Matt thought it’d be. 

They’ve come to this point in their make out sessions before, where he’s just drunk, drunk, drunk with her, a loopy, out of it sorta feeling swirling in his stomach that makes him braver than he really is, needing, pulling her closer. But what they’re doing now – that’s going further than they’ve gone before and it seems to him they’ve done a whole lot of stuff besides, you know, having sex. He’s kinda glad they did because now, after more than a year of studying, he knows Julie likes it when he nuzzles the inside of her thigh or that she’s ticklish on her ribcage and that she loves to be kissed everywhere. He knows the look on her face when she’s falling apart or the sounds she makes when he licks her clit. He’s sure he’ll last longer than 180. He’s pretty prepared.

They’re on his bed again - Grandma Saracen already asleep and her parents thinking she’s over at Tyra’s for a sleep over – and she’s flush and snug against him, all soft where he’s hard. She giggles a little under his hands but then he runs his tongue along the inside of her upper lip – he knows she likes that because every time he does it she just goes slack against him and her face goes all serious and then she makes that hitched noise in the back of her throat that has his gut clench. 

Not that he could get any harder, really. 

Julie is mewling a little now and pressing her warm hands against his chest, so he knows he’s doing it right. The stupid clothes are in the way for what they want, what they need, so he tugs at her shirt, pulling it up and she follows his motion cause they need skin on skin. She chuckles when he has trouble getting her bra clasp open and then he breathes a sigh of relief when finally her silky warmth slides onto him, nipples hard and perched and breasts brushing softly over his. Matt wonders if he’ll ever grow tired of seeing her like this, in all her naked, golden skinned glory. Probably not. 

He wants her so bad he’s not sure what to do but she’s taking the lead now, sneaking a hand into his pants, underneath the belt, coy smile into his face from underneath her bangs. He’s a little embarrassed when he remembers his boxers are older ones (clean but a little grey-washed) but she doesn’t seem to mind and at least his feet are scrubbed. 

“I love you,” she says, very matter of fact-ly. “I wanna be with you.” And he can all but lean his forehead against hers and look her in the eye. Last time they’d come to this point, she’d looked scared, unsure. She doesn’t now. He hopes, prays he reads her right. 

He’s all “Are-are you sure, Julie? Cause we don’t have to, we really don’t-” and it’s so sweet cause the only thing he’s got on now are his boxers – even the socks are gone – and she can see his hard on straining against the cotton and the twitch of his muscles when she lets her fingers trail over his stomach, hard and hot to the touch. It’s ridiculous how beautiful he looks, almost naked, all planes of smooth skin over lean muscle and he smells like a boy - soap and fresh sweat and just _Matt_. 

“Yeah,” she whispers, “Yeah.” It sounds hardly like a word between kisses, his ragged breath ghosting warm over her face and she wonders how he can ask now when she’s already down to her panties and pulling him on top of her. How he can doubt that she wants this when her breathing is as quick as his. 

He’s careful not to crush her with his weight but she wants to feel him, his solidness pressing her into the mattress. Julie’s not sure what’s gotten into her cause this is so different from sophomore year, when all she felt was that ice block of nervousness in her stomach and the shivers when he kissed her. Now, it’s like she revels in the smallest things: how surprisingly soft the skin on his ass is and the hiss he makes when she grinds her hips up and his hard on bumps against that soft spot between her thighs, down there where everything is soft and swollen and aching. It’s amazing how their skin looks against each other in the dim light of his bed site lamp, her almost bronze against his fairer one – it makes her wanna cry. He stares at her with half shut eyes and this look of utter concentration on his face, wants to do it right. That’s just the way he is. 

“Jules,” he murmurs when she pulls his boxers down, gripping him gently. His eyes close shut and he leans into her touch, burying his lips in her hair _Julie, Julie, Julie_. 

She wants him. She needs him. There’s a little moisture on the tip of his dick and she runs her thumb over it, swirling it so, so gently and he makes that noise that sounds almost like a growl and Julie smiles because she might just get it right, as well. She grips him a little harder and then strokes down, they way she’s done it before but this time it’s different, this time it’s leading somewhere, this time it’s so much more exciting because she knows what’s gonna happen. 

“Julie – hold on, Jule- Julie.” He stills her with his own hands. “If you keep going like that-” 

“Shhh,” she says and then kisses him again, sweet and thorough and gentle this time and then it blossoms into something more and his mouth is gliding down her neck, kissing, sucking and licking that little hollow in her throat and then he’s swirling his tongue around her nipple so softly it’s driving her nuts. She arches her back, breast moving up in his open mouth, needing, needing, his hands gripping her ribs tightly. 

“Please,” she says, “Please.” Sounding like another person in her own ears but she can’t wait any longer and then he tugs at her panties and they come off and she opens her knees, where he settles, his hard on thumping blindly into the inside of her thigh, _right there_ but not quite. 

“Shit, shit-” he murmurs as he’s sliding over the wetness and catching on her clit _so soft so good_ and Julie’s so riled up the sensation almost hurts, her hips hitching up on their own accord. 

“Wait, Julie, wait-“ he stills her thighs with his hands and pushes himself up to grab a condom from the nightstand drawer and the way he’s in a real hurry and the fact that she’s giddy with the thought _this is really happening_ makes Julie wanna kiss him senseless. She asks if she should put it on for him but he chuckles and shakes his head. 

“I – I- no, no I’ll do it myself or I’ll-” 

And then he’s back above her, holding himself up with his arms. The muscle in his biceps shakes a little and then he’s fumbling two fingers against her and slips between her folds, touching her. It doesn’t feel as good as when she does it herself, but better in a way cause she doesn’t know where his finger will be next, just sliding along the soft wetness and it’s too much pressure and she feels she’s about to crack out of her own skin and she- 

“Matt,” Julie says and he stops and reaches down between their bodies, grips himself and looks back up at her, lips full and eyes wide open and then she feels him nudge against her opening. 

“There?” He sounds unsure and she smiles and nods - no one’s ever said how awkward this was going to be - but then he’s guiding himself inside, sliding in and she hoists her hips up to help him, speed it along past that first feeling of tightness. Causes him to mutter a strings of _ohmygods_. And then he’s inside of her and that seems so surreal and wonderful at the same time and it feels a little like watching herself from the sidelines playing a strange, strange game. She tries not to laugh. 

“You ok?” He asks, hand on her cheek and breath against her ear and she says “Yes.” and he smiles – one of those rare ones lighting his face up like the sun and whispers “I love you.” And what she thinks is how much she wanted to give this to him, to see that bliss in his eyes now, how that even if the rest was crap (which it isn’t) it would be all worth it just to see him completely happy like that, but then he’s kissing her again, tongue sloppy and warm in her mouth and she loses that thought. 

Matt shudders a little, cradled between her thighs and mutters “I, oh god, I need to-” and then he’s moving, pulling back and pressing inside again and the first couple of times it feels tense and uncomfortable but then it’s like they’re both getting the hang of it and his eyes fall shut and hers do too and he buries his face in her hair and shoulder and she just goes with it, meeting his hips for every stroke, rhythm something of an instinct, like breathing. And she gets why people want this so much because she feels larger than life with the pressure building up and her and Matt so close, so unbelievably close in so many ways. She realizes she’s making those small noises again and she looks up at him, brows drawn in concentration as if he’s solving a problem. His breath goes in huffs and he kisses her nose _I love you I love you I love you_. 

She digs her hands into the muscles in his back all taut and never, never has she loved him more than in that moment and never, never could she have done this with someone else. It’s going faster now, almost as if this thing they both created is taking on a life of its own and she loses herself in the feeling, the pulse that seems to hum and throb stronger inside her every time he moves in, in, in. Julie’s strolling towards some kind of edge, staring down, thinking about falling but somehow she knows that Matt is already almost there. 

“Julie, I’ve got to- I’m sorry, I - I can’t-” 

His whole body tenses and he makes little grunty noises in the back of his throat _ughn ughn ughn_. And then he goes slack and his weight on her is nice and heavy and warm and she feels so good and full and their hearts are beating against each other louder than anything else. 

She’s still tingling down there, still ready to go. 

They stay like that for a few seconds she doesn’t ever want to end. But then Matt pulls out, gently and she’s almost sad at the loss of contact. He’s handling the condom now, his back towards her, sitting on the edge of the bed. When he’s done he lays back down at Julie’s side and pulls up the sheets around them, stares into her eyes like a question mark. 

“You ok?” he wants to know and brushes some hair out of her face. 

“Yeah.” She smiles and he smiles too and then reaches under the cover with one arm and pulls her snug against him. He’s on his back and she slides her right leg over his, downy hair on his thigh tickling her calf. Puts her head on his chest and traces the damp skin there with her finger, kisses the little birthmark on the shoulder bone. 

“That was _so_ cool.” She tells him, at the risk of sounding like a total doofus. 

“Yeah?” he asks, unsure. 

“Yeah.” 

It’s such a stupid thing to say, but all that’s going through her head really, is how amazing it was to see him lose himself like this, to see him let go in that way. To know that she did that. 

“Didn’t hurt?” 

“No,” she says and buries her face in the crook of his neck. 

“Did- did you- you know-“, he stumbles over the words but she knows what he’s trying say and whispers “No,” against his skin and he starts apologizing but she won’t take it. 

“But that doesn’t matter. It felt really nice,” Julie says and it doesn’t really cover it but he doesn’t seem to mind cause he gently, lazily strokes her back and butt and she melts into his touch and it’s heaven, just being there like this, with him. 

“I was afraid that I was gonna hurt you, or crush you or-” 

“You didn’t”, she says with indignation. “I’m not porcelain, I’m not gonna break.” 

He chuckles. 

“Nuh, you’re actually pretty damn strong, Julie Taylor.” He pats her behind playfully and stares down at her, pink cheek and nose and lopsided smile. “Could probably kick my butt.” 

“Is that so, Mr Saracen?” 

“Yup.” 

He looks all goofy and happy and loose and relaxed, so she rolls on top of him and kisses him, sweet and long. He works his fingers into her hair, falling around the two of them like a curtain, shielding them in their own little universe. 

Julie giggles. “Well, I guess so. I do throw a pretty good tackle.” 

Her hand is on his heart and she can feel it thump underneath her fingers. He covers hers with his. 

“I-I loved how you made those noises,” He says, almost shyly. “That was so cool.” And then he snorts and she slaps him. 

“Noises?” She pulls her best mock-hurt face. “I did not make noises.” 

He chuckles and it comes out from below like a grumble, she can feel it underneath her. “Yeah, you got all breathy and then you moaned a little and I was like, shhhh, we have to keep it down so we don’t wake up Grandma-” 

“What?!” 

"Jokin’, just jokin’,” He laughs and she pinches his side. 

“You’d better be, or-” 

“You’ll kick my butt?” 

She wiggles a little, on top of him and his head drops back into the pillow, expression on his face goes slack. 

“Tease,” He says, and sounds like he’s got a lump in his throat. 

It makes her smile. “Think I could rock your world, too?” 

His eyes darken and he kisses her very thoroughly and when he speaks again, his voice is low and raspy. 

“You just did.” 

_\--_

(Maybe: There was another life that you might have had, but you’re having this one.) 


End file.
